I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
