ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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