It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i came on her dog
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
