I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
