Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
