i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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