Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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