I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
