My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
