I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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