tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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