Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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