I should be sponsored by Trojan
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What a dumb baby whore.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
