So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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