wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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