i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
