Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
