So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
