she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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