I puked a lego.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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