I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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