those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
