the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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