It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Farmville is her only friend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
