i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
