i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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