You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
