This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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