I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
