I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
