is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
