When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
