You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
