is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
