I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
