the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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