I wish my penis had an off switch
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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