So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
