Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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