I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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