someone threw a dead crab at me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
