I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
