New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am one with the molecules
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
