hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The adults are the big ones right?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
