She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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