That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
