There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm jealous of your bromance
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
