What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
