no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
jump out the window naked night went bad
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