Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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