we have pet lesbian snakes
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
