there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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