also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
