did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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