Your dad touched me again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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