im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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