I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
