Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
