I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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