You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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