I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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