sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
No subtext here. People are naked.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
