This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize