Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
