Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
