Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
