If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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