At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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