i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
