Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
