he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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