She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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