I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
