so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
