there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
