You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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