i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
