btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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